Author: James Collins
The Accessories and Abettors Act 1861 states the following:
“Whosoever shall aid, abet, counsel, or procure the commission of any indictable offence, whether the same be an offence at common law or by virtue of any Act passed or to be passed, shall be liable to be tried, indicted, and punished as a principal offender.”
An amended version of the same law is still in force in the United Kingdom today. It is illegal to counsel an indictable offense. What that means is if I tell you to commit a crime and instruct you in the particulars of said crime I am equally guilty of that offence and we can both be punished in the same way. That’s pretty simple. Don’t tell your friend Bob to rob the bank, because when he gets all liquored up and actually does it you could be in some pretty hot water yourself.
Recently CLEAR has told you about this new scam of theirs whereby you can get legal medical cannabis in the UK. What’s that? It is legal to import cannabis for medical reasons in Britain now?
No. It most certainly is not. Go ahead, phone up the local police or Crown Prosecution Service and see what they have to say on the matter. They will spell it out in absolutely no uncertain terms. You got weed and you got woes; they will fuck up your shit most royally for that. You’re moving a restricted drug across international borders and if they decide to charge you we are talking about some long, hard time you could be serving. The maximum term for that kind of thing is in the range of 14 years. Can you do 14 years in a concrete box for CLEAR?
This isn’t a fucking fine we’re talking about. You won’t end up picking trash at the local park for a few weeks. CLEAR likes to diminish the seriousness of that issue, but the fact is that cannabis is still classified under the Misuse of Drugs Act. While Peter “J is for Jackass” Reynolds thinks he has all the angles covered with his imaginary friend Clarence in the picture, he isn’t going to cover you when you get busted. Go ahead and ask to meet the crack legal team that crafted this devious plot. CLEAR gets their legal advice from the same place that you do, it’s a search engine; do your own research and see how much of this “procedure” passes the sniff test.
Stage one of this program is to get your doctor to write you a prescription for Bedrocan, a brand of medical cannabis not found in the UK. Go ahead, I’ll wait here, go have a chat with your general practitioner about the idea they should risk their license to practice medicine playing this game. So, they said “not in a billion fucking years pothead, now blow out the door”? I thought so. It’s not to say it is entirely impossible, but it is so unlikely that even the doctor who allegedly wrote the prescription for Clarence Clear must have their name redacted in public forums. This omission speaks volumes about how above board that is.
Word on the street is that doctors are pretty well aware what drugs they are and are not allowed to prescribe. Most of them won’t even touch Sativex with a ten foot pole just yet, so getting them to go along with this asinine scheme is going to be like pulling teeth out of a live salt water crocodile.
Let’s pretend they wrote you a script for the drug anyway, just because it will be fun. Dr. Feelgood has cut you some slack and whipped out his Magic Pad of Dreams and Wishes and given you a ticket to tokerland. Yay for Dr. Feelgood; now what happens?
Now you have to apply for an import license from the Home Office. Yeah, by all means, CLEAR even gives you a link and asks you to fill out your license application in a very specific way. Here is the picture. I’m sure that won’t trip any alarm bells going through the clunky machinery of government. They probably don’t even know what THC is, right?
You’re going to get a tersely worded letter which doesn’t provide you with a license, according to CLEAR. This is where you win. See, it’s just like when you were a kid and you spent three hours trying to figure out how to word a question cryptically enough to trick a tacit sort of permission out of your parents to do something strictly forbidden. You thought you were really clever, except that is because you were six years old and in all likelihood your parents figured out what you were trying to do and put the kibosh on those shenanigans before your brilliant plan even got off the ground. In the worst case scenario they were too busy or drunk to see through your cheesecloth-like cloak of deception and a fresh can of whoop ass got opened on you for tricking your parents, right after they whooped your ass for doing whatever it was you tricked them into letting you do.
Sadly, unbeknownst to Peter, we aren’t all six years old and that can of whoop ass is going to come in the form of a bunch of angry cops and a long time in prison for displaying such audacious hubris. You’ll notice Peter isn’t doing this for himself, despite making the public claim that he uses medical cannabis to treat an undisclosed psychiatric condition which he claims has plagued him since early childhood. If this claim is authentic and the method is sound, why the fuck isn’t Peter Reynolds posting pictures of himself dancing around his pyramid of Bedrocan containers and smoking a fatty?
That we can only conclude would be because Peter is ten pounds of shit in a five pound bag. He’s lying, flat out. He hasn’t tried this, nobody else has under his tutelage, and he’s trying to push this on some hapless victim to see if it will work. You could be the rat in the electrified maze, growing tumors up its ass. He is not only taking credit for something that he hasn’t done, but that didn’t happen in the first place, and wasn’t ever really a “loophole”. He hasn’t achieved anything, and yet continues to use that word as though change was brought to the law by his actions.
It’s too fucking stupid to even qualify as fraud. It’s no more fraud than a small child telling you they slew a dragon; it’s so lacking in seriousness we can only say it is cute.
Maybe though, just maybe, they will deny your license. Can you imagine that? I’ll tell you, I once applied to have weaponized anthrax and cruise missiles shipped to the United Kingdom and those fuckers wouldn’t budge. That’s my luck though; I’m terrible at filling out paperwork. You might have my luck, and then you just have to take this whole issue to the High Court and beat the Government at its own game with your army of legal professionals. Don’t have twelve high priced lawyers in a glass case behind a bookshelf in your massive office? Oh, well hopefully you are what Peter refers to as a “benefits scrounger” and you can get Legal Aid.
As you can imagine, the kind of lawyers you need to beat the Government in court for the right to have your medical cannabis don’t generally work for Legal Aid. Part of the glaring evidence for this fact is that despite countless legal challenges over the years, medical cannabis is still not available in an herbal form in the United Kingdom. The mystical, knightly lawyer who pulls the sword from the briefcase and slays prohibition hasn’t reared their head just yet, or they might be working on other things. Either way, you don’t have them on retainer, so don’t count on too many victory laps after your legendary battle with the powers that be.
The last step of this program is simple. You take your prescription and fly to Holland to get your plastic containers of weed, hop on a plane home and breeze through customs with the import license you didn’t get. Have your containers inspected, by all means; invite the nice customs people to have a heady whiff of your medicine. It will be fine, Peter said so. What the hell could possibly go wrong?
Peter originally claimed you had to join CLEAR in order to participate in this great miracle. Evidently nobody was willing to foist themselves up on the cross for his entertainment, and so now he’s giving the milk away for free. I can’t imagine anyone is going to bite, but if the thought had crossed your mind, I implore you not to try. The risk is incredible, the penalties draconian, and nobody has got your back when you’re doing hard time.